X-Ray and Vav: Take 1
by drlynn
Summary: Achievement City's greatest heroes have retired only to be forced back into crime fighting. The First chapter details the nature of this reentry into the life of a superhero. This is a tentative project.


Quick note to the reader: I am an aspiring author. Most of what I write now is non-fiction. I sat down the other night and quickly churned out this little bit of fanfiction for my fellow RT viewers. This is my first try at this, so I would love feedback. I tried not to be too heavy handed with the RT references so as to broaden my audience. This is just an introductory portion and I have yet to mention all those on the RT staff who will crop up in the story line. This is a narrative concerning the adventures of two superheros that we all know and love, set in the world of today, but with a few key changes: Both X-Ray and Vav have retired from crime fighting as it placed their loved ones in too much danger and I have decided to avoid any established canon concerning the heroes and just go my own route. Enjoy!

X-Ray and Vav:

Take 1

-Derek L. Username drlynn on RT

Golden streams of fading sunlight washed over the cool white sands of Old San Juan. As a beautiful spring day came to an end, a young family packed in their towels calling for their children to get ready. Two small boys hastened to excavate an ever-widening hole before being forced to abandon the project and head home Further along, a gaunt gray dog stood in serious contemplation of the nature of an unlucky jellyfish. Food or not food? _That_ was the question.

Seated atop the sloping dunes a bit removed from the water, a mysterious man pored over the intricacies of a single rose, seemingly disinterested in the gorgeous day ending around him. Thick hair, black as jet, snaked out from beneath his toboggan. The hat, in conjunction with his unzipped hoodie and jeans, looked truly out of place in the sweltering spring heat, but in no way did his countenance convey discomfort. As a struggle began to dislodge the budding archeologists from their digsite, the strangely clad stranger pulled his gaze from his botanical musings to watch the conflict unfold. From behind the lenses of thick black glasses, his dark eyes observed the family quarrel, turning next to the ragged dog engaged in its attempt to eat the stranded jellyfish. With a deep sigh the man pulled on his checkered vans and took to his feet. Sending a brief nod to the young couple escorting their morose children off the beach, he stretched his back and bore the briefest of smiles in the face of the setting sun.

Another day had passed, bringing with it the end of public beach hours in Old San Juan. Cringing away from the old dog retching atop its would-be meal, the man turned to find his path obstructed. Two men of substantial proportion stood shoulder to shoulder across the footpath barring the exit. One stood near to seven feet. His thin hair pulled back into a pony tail. Long, lean limbs, tightly bound in muscle, fell from his clothes. The other was shorter by comparison, but still quite tall and certainly had girth to spare. His thick red mustache twitched irritably, a lone hairy island on the shaved map that was his colossal head. Tucked in khaki button-downs gave the men an official, militaristic appearance that was altogether disparate from their nasty grins.

"Ray Narvaez" drawled the taller of the two in a hoarse whisper.

"Excuse me?" Retorted the black haired young man.

"Why'd you come here Ray? We weren't even going to look for you. But here you are. And we certainly can't have you wandering around in our backyard." Chortled the mustachioed man, ignoring the query.

"Uhh, I think you're mistaken. My names Dunkelmann, Barbro Dunkelmann. So if you'll excuse me its double exp weekend on Call of Duty and I really need to…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow your roll kid," sneered the stocky man putting a halting hand upon Dunkelmann's chest.

"Cut the shit. We know you're Ray Narvaez, alias X-Ray, former resident Achievement City Texas, and we've gotta pretty good idea what you're doing here. We don't know why you put your nose in this, but you've got our attention. Make this easy. Come with us."

"Who the fuck is Ray Narv.."

-Thwack!-

The beautiful rose hit the ground as the air rung with the smack of skin and skin. The hoarse, burly man wilted Dunkelmann in a single quick strike to the jaw.

Waking unto total darkness, Dunkelmann attempted to stand, but found both his hands and feet tied behind his back. Rough burlap scratched along his cheeks as a bag of sorts had been fastened about his head. Feeling the bump and sway of a highway beneath him, Dunkelmann realized the gravity of his situation.

"Hello?" he called.

"Where am…umphf!"

"Shut up kid." whispered his hoarse captor, pushing him into the metal wall of what was obviously a utility van.

The floor of the van smelled like WD-40, engine grease, and fresh blacktop. Half an hour passed. No one spoke. Dunkelmann lay motionless, imagining the horrible means by which his captivity might end when the van began to slow down. Shortly thereafter, they stopped.

"Come on hero, up ya go." Chuckled the stocky man throwing Dunkelmann up on his shoulder.

After walking a short distance, a series of knocks were rapped upon metal. Dunkelmann could hear the muffled turn of internal mechanics and the soft clink of pistons before the distinct 'whoosh' of an air-tight seal signaled the opening of a door. The human taxi crossed the threshold taking care to bang Dunkelmann's head on the door frame, snorting empty apologies amid fits of childish laughter. The air behind the door was crisp and cool. The ensuing walk took near as long as the car ride itself. The whole of their journey through the seemingly massive compound was pervaded by the constant chatter and clatter of keyboards.

Finally, they came to a rest. A single knock was greeted by the slide of a peephole and the subsequent opening of yet another mechanized door. The duo walked briskly within and tossed their confused cargo onto the floor. Unable to brace himself in any way, Dunkelmann landed on the chilly concrete with a sickening thud, his head striking the ground in an audible imitation of an egg on linoleum. His eyes blacked. His head swam.

"Ahhh, how I love guests!" Exclaimed some new voice from outside Dunkelmann's world of burlap. "Excellent work gentlemen. Just excellent. Cut his bindings, sit him up. I believe it's time for a chat."

The massive cronies moved to loose the bindings when they were cut off by the same voice.

"Wait! Give him his feet, but his hands shall remain as they are."

"Right away Your Highness," replied the kidnappers in unison.

Cutting the ropes as dictated, Dunkelmann was then heaved from the floor and placed upright on a wooden seat. In the absence of rope, blood again flowed freely into the hostage's feet and he splayed his toes in celebration, smiling faintly beneath his bag at this slight comfort in an otherwise abysmal situation.

"Who would have guessed that I would be entertaining X-Ray himself this evening? Not I of course." Crowed the nasally voice in an accent that failed in its attempt at urbanity. "You gave us quite the scare Narvaez, showing up on our doorstep unannounced."

"My name is Barbro Dunkelma…"

-Thwack!-

A swift backhand stifled his interjection.

"You'll speak when you're asked to speak!" Hissed the stocky kidnapper, spittle flying from the tendrils of his mustache.

"That will do Jack," said the unknown voice. "Now, where were we? Ah yes, my doorstep. Did you think I wouldn't notice a superhero wandering my beaches X-Ray?"

"Wait," said Dunkelmann bemusedly. "I know that voice. Gustavo Saro..."

-Thwack!-

Again knuckles graced the side of Dunkelmann's covered face. Then silence. So abrupt and so absolute it seemed a blanket had inexplicably fallen over the situation. Seconds, minutes, no one spoke. A loose grate squeaked in the corner as stale, recycled air was pumped into the room.

"Take off the sack," spat the same nasally voice, but no longer with any pretense of elegance.

Immediately, the cover was pulled from Dunkelmann's head. The swollen, bruised skull was but a remnant of the face previously peering out at the beach beneath a green star toboggan. He was sat facing a sleek desk, crafted of glass and steel whose organic contours were pleasing to the eye. Atop the desk were both a dormant macbook pro and a 3d photographic cutout of a naked man. That very same man sat behind the desk. A beautiful golden crown was placed upon his head, shining radiantly in the fluorescent light amid a wiry jungle of black hair. A deeply furrowed brow forced his eyes into hateful slits, unable to conceal the hate and contempt in which they held the subject before them. Never breaking his angry stare, he pulled the heavy glasses from his face and began to clean them with his coronation mantle. The mantle itself was made of rich red velvet, collared in lamb's fur, and fastened at the neck with a thick gold chain.

"Drop the fucking Barbro shit Ray," said the crowned man, replacing his glasses. "You remember me, I remember you."

"Okay, you got me. But how could I not remember you!? We were friends back in Achievement Ci…"

-Thwack!-

The powerful backhand again came down, this time sending Ray's glasses skipping across the floor. Pain shot across his face as stars flared, clouding his eyes.

"You'll address him as _Your Highness_! Disrespectful little shit," thundered the man with the thick mustache and the short temper.

Openly pleased with the brutal behavior of his henchman, his highness turned back to his involuntary guest. "Friends were we? Ha! You would call me when your internet was broken. We said 'Hi' at the supermarket. An awareness of existence does not equate to friendship Ray."

Breathing heavily, Ray swallowed the blood welling in his mouth. "We were friends Gus."

At the sound of the misnomer, the mustached man moved to strike, but was stopped mid-swing.

"Jack!" said the pseudo king. "Enough! He may call me as I was named. Do not strike him again lest I call for it."

Ray gave a weak smile at his assailant and turned back to the conversation.

"Gus, what are you doing in Puerto Rico? More importantly, what am_ I_ doing tied up in your…whatever this is!?"

"Don't be coy Ray. You know exactly why both you and I are here" scoffed Gus. "I'm the king. And you, you were spying on my kingdom. You won't stop me X-Ray. As you can see, even trying was foolish."

"I retired here! You know I retired. What the fuck are you talking about?" said Ray bewildered, wincing at the hot swelling in his cheeks.

"Oh god dammit will you stop!? Why else would you have been at Old San Juan!? Were you not using your x-ray vision to find where I buried my hard drives? Well I hope you found them Ray! Because a helluva lotta good it'll do you in here!" screamed Gus in an increasingly frantic rage.

"What are you"

"I'm taking it! I'm taking Achievement City! Finding my hard drives won't stop me you idiot! We were watching you, you told NO ONE! You're tied up in my lair and Vav's off on his honeymoon, eating grapes and drinking bevs or whatever the hell he does! No one NO ONE can stop me!" Gus shrieked, lost in an obsessive rage.

"I" Ray began

"Shut UP!" Gus bellowed. "It's over X-Ray. The invasion is in two weeks. You're too late," he said smiling, slowly reining in his sanity. "You know, you're not going anywhere. Do you want to hear how I'll do it?"

"Not rea"

"Farming ray. Farming." He whispered with ecstasy.

Ray couldn't help but smile at the thought of Gus elbow-deep in manure. "What are you growing?"

"Not plants stupid. Gold." His eyes glazed with visions of the maniacal plot. "Warcraft, Eve, Flyff, Conquer, Runescape"

"shoutout to middle school" sniggered Ray under his breath.

"Guild Wars, Rift, LOTR, the list goes on. Right now, as we speak, hundreds of the world's greatest technicians are here. All around my compound. Writing, coding, making bots, avoiding patches, buying and selling gold, goods, and characters. But, primarily gold. I have already grossed 815 million dollars through my profiteering endeavors and each bill is as clean as when it came off the press after I run it through my legitimate IT company: Cock Fangs."

"Is that even enough to pay your employees?" asked Ray unimpressed by the scheme.

"Employees?" said Gus smiling horribly "They're slaves Ray. Each of our uhmm, guests let's call them, is hooked to an IV drip. Each IV contains a healthy mix of vitamins, nutrients, MDMA, and opium that results in both continued health and a state of excited lethargy. And as an added incentive to keep up the good work, armed guards patrol the work stations 24 hours a day."

"That's terrible," said Ray in disgust "but what does that have to do with buried hard drives?"

Pacing behind his desk, recounting his dastardly scheme, Gus stopped. "Those, my young hero, are my ringer. A billion dollars can afford me the employ of thousands of foreign mercenaries, but, sadly, that is not enough to take Achievement City. When President Ramsey acquired sovereignty from the United States and Texas he began creating one of the most well fortified bastions the world has ever seen. And with the support of venture capitalists Burns and Hullum, their military has access to some of the most advanced weapons technology The States have to offer their new ally. Those hard drives contain records of every transaction my association has ever conducted. Soon, as a token of mutual trust and respect, they will be delivered to the Mad King."

"No!" said Ray, astounded at this development. "The Mad King said once he had taken Canada he would be satisfied."

Gus could not help but revel in the downtrodden horror he had imparted on the ex-hero. "Yes, that is what he told the United Nations," Gus mused "but as you of all people should know, the Mad King is _never_ satisfied. And he has a bit of an axe to grind with Achievement City as well."

The door opened behind them and a ravishing woman stepped into the room, her flowing dress sweeping the ground in a flourish. The henchmen immediately dropped to their knees, each muttering 'My queen' under his breath.

"Esther" said Gus, obviously annoyed at the intrusion "what is it?"

"I apologize for the interruption your lordship," She said with a brief curtsey "but it seems our exalted guest has a check in with first lady Griffon every Tuesday. It was four hours ago. A team has been dispatched from Achievement City to see to his disappearance."

"Then we must hurry." Gus said with a hint of concern. "Dispatch the lightening crew, they will not return to Achievement City. I'll be along in a moment."

Without another word the queen took her leave, bowing on the way out.

"Now" said Gus returning to his captive audience and pulling something from his pocket "Do you know what this is?"

"This asshole knocked my glasses off" he said nodding in the direction of the henchmen "but as far as I can tell it's a memory card."

"Bingo! So you're not as dumb as I remember. Do you know what's on this memory card?"

"Dick pics?"

"Your gamertag." Gus said with a sinister grin.

"How did you? But. I." Ray Stammered.

"You're not exactly the most observant super hero are you?" said Gus still relishing the loss of color in Ray's astonished face. "Take a look at my friend over there," he said nodding at his mustache laden mate and waving him to come closer. "You two've been together all day. I know he knows who you are Ray, but it seems you have failed to recognize the man who's been beating you senseless."

Squinting to find some clarity in the absence of his glasses, Ray searched the large face before him. Scanning the head, shaven in its entirety save for the red moustache. "Red moustache" he thought out loud. "Jack? It can't be. Jack Patillo?"

A wide, toothy smile broke out beneath the bushy moustache.

"He took the gamertag right out from under you back in AC." Said Gus with a smirk.

"What happened to you Jack?" Ray asked.

"Nothing _happened_. I've bulked up a bit for the job, needed the extra muscle, and the king doesn't allow beards so I said 'fuck it' I'll shave it all. Except this beauty." He said, preening his moustache.

"Jack" he whined, steadily losing hope with each revelation "Why Jack? You had it all back in Achievement City. A wife, friends, cats. You were Secretary of the fucking State beneath Geoff! Why would you come here? To this!" he said indicating the spartan, concrete surroundings.

"Friends." Jack scoffed. "You know what I had in Achievement City? Shit. Everyone gave it to me, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Here," he smiled flexing his hands "here I give the shit."

Gus had been watching the back and forth with increasing pleasure, but had no time to dawdle. "Now that we're all reacquainted, let us get down to business. My friends and I have things to do Raymond."

"it's Ray." He snapped.

"As I was saying Raymond" Gus continued slightly perturbed.

"I said it's R"

-Thwack!-

Jack landed another solid blow, effectively silencing the interruptions.

"If I might continue Raymond," Gus said, smiling at the trickle of blood racing from the corner of Ray's mouth "My associates and I have business to which we must attend. You will remain here. Two guards are outside. There is only one door, but should you try anything know this: I have direct surveillance and contact with each sector of my compound. For each toe you step out of line, I will start a new game on your gamertag and get a single achievement."

"You ANIMAL!" Ray roared.

Smiling, Gus said "Yes, well, I prefer beast, but animal is fitting all the same. I hope you know I mean every word I say Raymond. Stay put."


End file.
